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Originally posted by cagrosy

 how do i configure the time of the meetings to us time? im inthe us in eastern standard time..

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Good morning Cagrosy,

To answer your question go to the "Your Profile" tab at the upper right corner of page. Enter and then select the your time zone.  The times on your screen for the events, and your post,  will be automatically shown for your zone.

I sent this at 5:25 AM CST

Thank you all for your caring responses. I really appreciate your time you take out to post me. I will try to keep to one thread. I wish there was a system trhat can tell me each time i log on...who has commented or who has posted somethibg for me. it would be like an inbox when i log on. Thank you paul and steve. I have benn able to do a bunch of family chores today that i had neglected the past week due to the fact that every moment not sleeping...i was playing poker...no time for chores...feels good to be doing what i am supposed to ne doing...not just rotting away!!   (loosing money at the same ttime)  My problem is i cant get the "hands" thati lost all my money to, out of my mind...i keep dreaming of "that donkey that called me all in only to hit a 5 percent chance to beat me...i know its not helpful to think about it...I wish i could control myself...but that has always been my biggest problem...i have ZERO self control...that statement is not limited to gambling... that i believe is the core of my problem...becaue in my brain, i know what im doing is wrong...ut my brain is powerless because my desire to play controls it... iwish it wasnt like that,,, and i hope through these posts and chatting..that it may change,,,,u never know...that only i do know is that poker has been a slow poisonous death for me...

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Originally posted by cagrosy

... I wish there was a system trhat can tell me each time i log on...who has commented or who has posted somethibg for me. ...

... feels good to be doing what i am supposed to ne doing...not just rotting away!! ...

... I wish i could control myself...but that has always been my biggest problem...i have ZERO self control ...

... my brain is powerless because my desire to play controls it... iwish it wasnt like that ...

... poker has been a slow poisonous death for me

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Good afternoon Cagrosy,

First well done of staying gambling free and experiencing the pleasure in doing what you should be doing and not just rotting away. This felling will continue and increase. There will be a few lulls, but keep working on recovery and they will seam minor after a while. Be patient, the days and weeks will pass soon enough.

The small talk next. There is no Inbox but you can tell get a little of the information you ask about in the journal heading, the "Last Post" and "Replies". Like with this post, before I posted your were the last one to post, now my name will be there. Either that or another name of someone who posted after me. The number of replies will tell you how many posted after you; for this topic you were number 11, I will be number 12, if it as at 16, you got 5 replies after your last one. The "Views" shows how many members looked at your post over time. 

Well that is the chatting part, now I will address some of your more important concerns.

You say your brain is powerless over gambling and that it is a poisonous death. If you have looked at any literature about Gamblers Anonymous, you will find that you admission to these truths represent you "working" Step 1 of the GA Recovery Program.  I use GA as a reference because I attend their meetings, and I have found that other, non-GA programs use the same type process with different terms.  Step ! states: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Your desire to stop your compulsive gambling and recover from your addiction also opens the door for you to be part of the Gamblers Anonymous community, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling."  Search out a location and try it. Working their 12 Steps will not only help in your recovery, but will help in your life.

It

may seam that I am promoting GA but I am not, I have no interest in recruiting members for them, I only find GA to be a good supplement to GT.  I do, however, have an a interest in you and will offer as mush information I can from time to time; you inherited me and all the other members here with your first post asking for advice.

I will also use this same disclaimer of not promoting something when I direct you to my other topic, Recovery - Ways & Means -- " ________ "! by paul315 , (the blank is filled in with different subtopics as I go).  In these pages I have started to give my views on different ways of combating our disease. If you are interested read over the subtopic, Reflections on GA's 12 Step Program - steps 1, 2 & 3. The information might be of some help to you if you follow up on the 12 Step program; I believe that the first three are essential in the beginning.  You will find this same type information elsewhere in the post here and through a search engine, this is just one avenue.

You also mention your supposably lack of self control.  You were a poker player, you have to have control to play poker. You have to have control to use the only advantages you might process over your opponents, the advantages of bluffing and reading bluffs, ant the knowledge of percentages. Whether you are successful or not makes no difference, no matter how much control, knowledge, or personality one might have, winning is merely the outcome of the turn of a friendly card, or unfriendly to those losing - and the winning times percentage is against you as an individual; the reason you don't play against the casino in poker - they will not risk losing their money.

The  problem is not that you have no control over your life; it is you are powerless over the gambling addiction, just as you or others might be powerless over other addicting acts. You are not weak, you are not bad, you have an illness that can be arrested. You being here shows that you have control, now you have to strengthen and direct it.

I was reading some of the older peoples posts. It seemed like many people were saying that they had setbacks and began playing again..even after years of GA. That is so scary to me. I figured that once a person comes clean and stps for good, and enlists in all types of help... that they would be easily curable. Seems like its not so. So many posts are talking about how they were GA and GT members for years...Thats a scary thought..I may be back again playing/paying...even though I am so strong a fighter now. I havent played since last Tuesday night. And I hope never to play again!! I feel that I am stronger and maybe a bit more interested in stopping than those other posters... I do hope the day will comw where i would be disgusted of anything remotely related to gambling and casinos... I hope my fight against this disease will streanthen others in thier fight as thiers has streangthened me.

I think we have all felt that feeling of disgust about gambling and that we are never going to do it again...especially after a big loss session.  I cannot even remember all of the times I have said I am quitting and I did for a week or two and then I would put myself right back in thinking to myself "oh, it is only a twenty, I will stop if I don't win" and then I am in a hundred and then two hundred....and then I would beat myself up all the way home and log on to my bank account as soon as I got home to "fix" what I did.  Well, there is no more "fixing" for me.  If I don't stop now, it will be disaster.

I truly believe that every CG wants to stop and truly believes they will stop when they decide to be done.  Just like every other addiction, there is temptation to try it again.  We need to stop ourselves at that point, the point where you have the exciting feeling of playing, the anticipation of the next spin or hand or whatever you play....STOP...close your eyes and imagine the feeling you have when you are done gambling for the night or day, the feeling of self loathing, the sinking feeling knowing that you have spent every penny you have...how are you going to buy gas, groceries, pay your bills that are sitting there waiting to be mailed....how are you going to tell your family "no, we can't do that or we can't buy that" because you just spent all of the money you had to live on until you get paid next. 

Do not hope to never play again.  You have to say "I will never play again" and tell yourself that everyday.  We can do it together - this website is the best thing I have found in helping me fight against gambling.  I believe you can stop and will stop.  Stay strong and focus on the good things in your life - you can do it!

Lisa

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Originally posted by cagrosy

I was reading some of the older peoples posts. It seemed like many people were saying that they had setbacks and began playing again..even after years of GA. That is so scary to me. I figured that once a person comes clean and stps for good, and enlists in all types of help... that they would be easily curable. Seems like its not so. So many posts are talking about how they were GA and GT members for years...Thats a scary thought..I may be back again playing/paying...even though I am so strong a fighter now. I havent played since last Tuesday night. And I hope never to play again!! I feel that I am stronger and maybe a bit more interested in stopping than those other posters... I do hope the day will comw where i would be disgusted of anything remotely related to gambling and casinos... I hope my fight against this disease will streanthen others in thier fight as thiers has streangthened me.

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Hi Cag,

I have been on this website for a while now and what I quickly learnt is that until I draw my last breath I will always be a compulsive gambler or a compulsive gambler in recovery. That was an extremely scary thought for me in the beginning because I wanted to believe that I could be "cured" once and for all, I wanted to put all those years of heartache and pain behind me and move on with my life. When I read through all the old threads I began to see a recurring theme, people would come to the website or go to GA, for a few weeks, months or years, think they were better and then be back here in an even worst state. On the flip side the people that successfully stayed in recovery would use some form of support even years after their first bet, I think Colin who still regularly posts has 15 years behind him!!

I think the biggest danger to a CG's recovery is complacency, its so easy to think we are fixed but in reality gambling is always waiting in the shadows for that moment of weakness where we have had a row, come into a bit of money or had a drink. I have decided I do not want to spiral downwards again and so, for the rest of my life I will use some form of support, for now this website will continue to be my crutch. The effort I put into gambling when I was at my worst would make most "normal" people collapse in disbelief so I don't see putting in a fraction of the effort to stay clean is that much of a hardship.

I don't really see the act of gambling as disgusting because some people really can enjoy the odd bet and have fun, I can't and I just have to accept that, the difference is I understand that it really is a mugs game and because of the house edge the house will always always win in the long run.

Anyway keep up the good work.

Cheers

Carl

PS something I read which put me off gambling.....

http://www.gamblingfactsandfictions.com/id4.htm

Hello Fandangos. Thanks for your post. I do agree that inorder to overcome (if such  a state even exists) my CG, I must be alert at all times. Never let your guard down. What really irks me is that I read what you sent me. But I'm not sure if you have read all my posts. My biggest addiction, was poker. Live poker in Atlantic City. In that small book you sent me, there is two chapters speaking about poker. One chapter tears apart the online playing world, and one part deals with home games. Neither of them relate to me. Is there any material specificly for the poker player? Im dying to read that material. I always used to run around telling my buddies that I am not a gambler. Because I dont play the casino..."I understand they have the odds in blackjack...roulette..etc..therefore I stick to poker" Another rational I used was that in poker.. you see many of the same playersconstantly making the final tables...this prooves that one can get good beyond luck at this game... I would love to read some material that can refute these positions.  I myself lost $3500 in the course of 2 hours. I got all my money in with tremendous odds...but nonetheless lost each hand. I understand that thinking about "hands" and the past is detremental to my steps forward. So I will stop now. But please!! Anyone that can help me with this discussion please post me some links of material or statistics or anything that can help me. Thanks  CAG (Charlie and Gloria)

hey whats up I have lost so much money too and it makes me ill...... I understand the same thing you are going through... I don't play poker I play blackjack and yeah it does suck when you lose but hey keep your head up and stay strong.....

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Originally posted by drummer123

hey whats up I have lost so much money too and it makes me ill...... I understand the same thing you are going through... I don't play poker I play blackjack and yeah it does suck when you lose but hey keep your head up and stay strong.....

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Thanks drummer!! I really do feel that the "togetherness" of this site..will actually be the stepping stones away from the previous lonesome crap. It feels good to "be out of the closet" (mind the refference) and be open about my addiction in an anonoumous discreet way!! Thank you GT.

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Originally posted by cagrosy

...I am looking for specific information that I feel will help me.

        and, 

... I do agree that inorder to overcome (if such  a state even exists) my CG, I must be alert at all times. Never let your guard down. ... 

... I would love to read some material that can refute these positions. ... 

 

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Good evening cagrosy, I don't know if the post from this screen name are from Charlie or Gloria, or both. Are you both CGs, or is one a non-CG with interest and concern for the other. The Friends and Family Forum here offers additionalf advice and support for either as well as this forum. 

I am responding to the last post with the intent to offer help for your forever-lasting-ongoing recovery process, help in combating and arresting the illness; not to give you hopes that you can beat or overcome the addiction or control your compulsive gambling; there is no help for that goal. You have crossed over the line that separated you from the "normal" gamblers you admire. Once crossed, you will always be a CG; hopefully a Recovering CG and not one that constantly finds yourself at the table of despair. 

The specific information that you feel will help you discredit your rational supporting your poker playing might not exist; however, there is specific information on the ways and means for you to stop. The first is for you to except that you are powerless over your addiction, weather or not the other answers you are hoping to fine are out there.

 A place that might have more specific information is Pokertips.org/ in one of their articles, "The Truth about Brick-and-Mortar Tournaments" found in the  Weekly.Shuffle/arcives/2007-03-11 link. It talks about the pitfalls of tournaments and not poker as a whole, but the findings can be applied to pure poker as well.

 Also, Chapter 5 - Factual Laws of Gambling, in the site that Carl, screen name Fandangos, gave you offers other facts about gambling. Click the link on the left side and read that part over.

 Although, being educated about the addiction and gambling is a tool to use in recovery, it seams that more emphasis on ways to stop and live gambling free would be more beneficial.

 God's speed.

Larry

"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" - With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G's - God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

-- 2/10/2010 2:28:52 AM: post edited by paul315.