This is only day two of discovering this forum and I am soooo thankful for the postings.  I have been reading them all morning (I should be working) as well as into the night last night and taking your advice and thoughts all in.

I know I have just discovered the whole truth about the CG in my life but I can see a slight turnaround in me and him already.  I have watched I haven't given much praise, and I have listened without opinion (which is hard for me).  He has called me 3 times today to tell me that he has went to see people he owes money too and explained everything, and how he has sorted some of the debt he has got himself into.  And he has ideas of paying money into my account when he gets paid, so temptation is gone and he will just have enough to live on.

Next step is going to tell his family, which he is finding scarey as they are all very close and been through this before.

I know and he knows we have a long long way to go, but this little step today has left me feeling a bit more positive.  And I have all of you who post and give comments to thank for a lot of that.

J x

I to think this forum is amazing. 

Glad you are more positive today Jane!!  Take care of you! I find it hard to listen without opinion as well.. Do you think that's a women thing or a partner of a CG thing.

Take care and have a great day!

Hi CJ

Welcome to Gambling Therapy.

You have been getting great replies but i just wanted to put my two pennyworth in as i go up and down the ladders decorating.  GA does not suit everybody.  of course any group changes from week to week and sometimes some groups and some weeks are better than others.  We do have an amazing help line on this site.  it is manned by dedicated counsellors and recovering compulsive gamblers who are fantastic and who would understand your CG as we cannot.  It is only one click away when he is ready.

It is my belief that a CG cannot get through without help from the right sources and we have those resources here.

Telling the family is hairy but as a mother, although it was terrible to find out what had taken control of my son, I am relieved that I eventually found out.  If his family are aware from before this will sadden them but will not destroy them.  Tell them about this site if they need support.  Learning about the addiction is one of our strongest weapons against this illness.

Must go - wallpaper to rip off

Post Soon

Love

Velvet xx

Hi again CJ,

Glad you are finding the site useful, it is a god send in our situation.  You sound so much stronger already and haven been given time to think things through, you ar planning your next move.  Well done to you for taking a big breath, well done to you for using the support and posts, keep posting, I wish you the very best.

love and hugs

xx

Welcome and know indeed you have found a place where people "get it" and will find the advice/views priceless.

My wise friends have said it all and you are taking it all in and a big Hooray! to you for doing this for yourself and your CG.

Just wanted to say hi and keep posting!!

Hugs!

L.I.L.A.

Thanks everyone, I think just knowing your not alone going through this is the biggest help.  Well its not evening and my CG has called me 4 times today, just to tell me what he has done to start sorting things out and his plans he has come up with.  He has never talked like this before, so I am just encouraging the talks and listening.  And doing my best to keep the 'what if this doesn't last' out of my head.

Thanks to you guys I am going to get some sleep tonight.

J x

Calamity Jane

Your partners calling and strategising could be a good sign and by listening and encouraging you are doing well. If in fact he is serious then there seems to be a sense of excitement that goes with putting all the things in place to stop themselves and they are so keen to tell you what they are doing which can be a bit overwhelming and sometimes seem like just more of the pipe dreaming.

But you are right to just listen and let him do what he is doing. Only time will tell if he is really serious and actually following through with the plans. I know I was very sceptical in the first few weeks with my RCG but 98 days on, I can see such a massive difference that tells me he was really on it this time.

The 'what if this doesn't last' doesn't go away anytime soon so try to put it aside. I still have it and probably will for long time yet. So much damage and hurt has been done you can't just be convinced that quickly. It's normal and it's justified.

Hope you do get some sleep and I look foward to hearing how you are going.

Anck

Thats exactly it Anck.  I am all very sceptical about what he is saying, and i think before coming on this site I would be coming out with things like 'yeah but are you going to do that' or 'are you going to stick to that'.  But after reading well into the bleary eyed morning I took on board a few things and I think I wouldn't have had all these phonecalls today if I hadn't.  He said himself tonight we haven't talked like this before and its a help to know that there is someone listening (kept everything to himself before).  So, i am going to encourgage this attitude as it can only help, and take a day at a time.  And keep logging on to this site when I can.  Maybe not at work tomorrow this time tho, bad move that was I have left myself a pile of work to do on a Friday

I have shivers J.

When your CG said 'we haven't talked like this before' it resounded so deeply. That is the most wonderul thing that has come out of my partners recovery. We talk so differently. About everything. The depth and honesty of our discussions is at times exciting and also a bit scary because I am finding out so much. Some of it insightful, some of it sad, some of it hurtful and some of it wonderful but all of it honest and real for once and for that reason, I will let him keep talking. I can't believe this is the first time it is all coming out and what it must have felt like to hold it all inside. No wonder he was so angry and defensive and occupied and full of confusion, lies and vagueness.

And I know what you mean about the site. My RCG has me on that he is kicking an addiction and I am growing one. But I have gained so much support and understanding I just can't keep away. It has already saved my sanity so it can't be a bad addiction. Can it?

Anck

CJ, you are such a caring person and he is lucky to have you. Doesnt it feel good to have that "different kind of talk?"  One where the truth is out in the open and lies and excuses are not the status quo?? I am pulling for both of you.   You are in a good place...he is seeking and working out strategies on his own while you are there to encourage and support. You are really one step ahead in the fact that you are mindful of this awful life changing illness we call CG. Your radar is on to pick up on things that might indicate when something is not as it should be and it seems to me you are more than willing to help him while keeping your own guard up to prevent yourself from falling into another cycle of deception should it occur.   VERY SMART!!!!

Wishing you both success and sending big hugs to you! 

L.I.L.A.