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22 November 2008
13:39:25*
England
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Re: Where to now?
Thanx Hogold and Velvet!
Sorry I havent been around but have been staying with friends whilst hubby and son away. I have heard from my son, he is now in Australia with his brother. He and the girlfriend seem to getting on well and have agreed not to discuss their relationship whilst away. He hasnt been faced with any gambling as yet, hes obviously with the gf 24/7 and she is keeping a close eye on him anyway! I feel as though I`m in some kind of limbo, it seems his problems are on "hold" as he`s not here. And I dread the day he returns and we have to face up to what happens next!
He sounds as though hes grown up quite a bit and enjoys being independant. He doesnt mail every day which is unusual for him as when in uni I heard from him each day!!! So he is doing his bit to cut those apron strings too!
I went to a friends funeral yesterday and found myself praying to God to give me my son back. Then I felt guilty and selfish! Yesterday wasnt about me. But then I get these irrational thoughts anytime and anywhere!
Hope you and yours are well?
Thanx again
maggie
x
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22 November 2008
16:37:37*
England
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Re: Where to now?
Hi Maggie,
Glad to hear that things are ok for now. Hopefully your son will enjoy his holiday enough to see what life can be like without the gambling. I can well understand the dread of his return, on the one hand we want to see them, but on the other we're afraid of how they will be and whether there will be a return to the hell from which you've been granted a temporary reprieve.
Earlier this year I attended the funeral of my cousins 20 year old son, like you thoughts drifted to my own son, and like you I felt guilty. But it didn't make me care any less about her son and what she was going through, as I'm sure it didn't you. One thought came out of it though - I still had hope, she had none.
While there's life there's hope Maggie,
Take care and keep us posted when he gets back
Love Annie xx
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22 November 2008
17:53:09*
England
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Re: Where to now?
Hi Maggie
Glad that all is well and you also managed to get away for a while and recharge the batteries. Sounds like your son is doing okay for now and for that you must be grateful. We will always worry Maggie, that is what mums do best ! I worry about my son too, and all seems to be okay for him at the moment, like you the distance between us, the cutting of the apron strings seems to have had a good effect on our relationship, but I still wait each day for 'bad news' how strange we are, analysing situations before they even occur. I dont 'doubt', but I supposed we get so used to being let down that we 'plan' for that event again.
Like the Wise Ol Owl Velvet says, February is a while away, use the time you have for you and you will be better prepared to face whatever it is that is thrown at you and hopefully it will all be good stuff xx
Funerals bring out many emotions in us Maggie, I find myself thinking about my mum at every one I attend and relive hers, but like Annie said, it doesn't mean you didnt think any less of your friend. Please dont feel guilty Maggie, I am sure if you spoke to many they would all reiterate it is a normal reaction to pray for some help in our own situation at such an event.
Dont give up hope for your son Maggie. He is seeing life through different eyes at the moment and hopefully the memories of the good times he can have without gambling will remain with him.
Thinking of you
Much love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx We must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter. Looby Loo
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23 November 2008
19:24:26*
England
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Re: Where to now?
Annie, Looby Loo, how kind of you to reply to my ramblings!!! Just feels so good to know I am not alone and my thoughts are not irrational.
I spoke to him today in Australia and he`s loving it, but its all so unreal. I am here still going over the events of 5 weeks ago in my mind. How do I escape?
My husband is home for a week and his next trip is the last this year. At least I wont feel so isolated and lonely. I am much better when hes around. And when I can read this forum.
Thanks again,
Maggie
x
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24 November 2008
12:57:18*
Velvet
(Gambling Therapy)
United Kingdom
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Re: Where to now?
Hiya Maggie
It would be great if we could control our thoughts wouldn’t it? I see nothing irrational in your thoughts faced with your son’s addiction. You were there for your friend and while you were there you thought of your son. It is important that our mind wanderings do not distress us – we are human and if our minds wander constantly to our family and its problems it seems perfectly understandable to me.
You have posted on Worried Mum’s thread and I want to try and answer your question.
Mistrusting motives is par for the course but I believe that it definitely gets better. With the compulsion in our faces, or being recently awakened as to the severity of the problem I think we are on double, double sensitivity alert.
There are so many problems in the world at the moment but this one takes us by the scruff of our necks and shakes us till our teeth rattle. Our friends have other problems and cannot take on board this all encompassing illness – they cannot understand and their motives seem suspect.
I am braver now and I now think ‘tough this is me’ and ‘this is what has happened to me’ – if you don’t like it then I really do not have the energy to worry. Friends do not leave you.
I know how long it took me to take this addiction on board in my brain and our friends cannot comprehend its depths.
It is my belief that we should be completely honest and not hide who we are and what we feel (without rubbing people’s noses in it of course) because this is not our fault or our CGs fault. It was the covering up that caused me to take my feelings inwards and I think that is a dangerous thing for us to do. Some friends have shown an interest and others have not and I suppose it is the same for what is going on in their lives.
Don’t feel ashamed about this Maggie. When I first went into Gamanon I expected them all to have two heads and be gangsters molls but they were all lovely. This forum proves the wealth of caring and loving that we are capable of and that none of us is alone.
Love
Velvet xx
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